I Would Never Wish To Start Again
by AnnCarter
Summary: Even the Slitheen had a chance to start again. After what she did to Mickey, Rose would be happy to have that chance as well. The Doctor, though, wouldn't. Post 1X11, "Boom Town".


_All rights for Doctor Who are the BBC's. I own nothing, unfortunately._

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"That would be nice," She said quietly, in her heart wishing it was possible for her to start again too. She never thought about Mickey while traveling in space with the Doctor, and finally seeing that made her feel worse than ever. Mickey was an old friend. She couldn't believe she left him hanging like this for this past year and a half.

The Doctor worked quietly and kept looking at the consoles, but she noticed him glancing at her. His blue eyes silently asked her if she was okay. She just nodded, trying to smile as always, and assumed she managed to fool him when he returned to work.

After flying to Rexacoricofallapatorius and leaving the egg, the Doctor flew the TARDIS to a moon nearby. Jack retired to sleep shortly afterwards, even though he clearly did not want to, leaving Rose and the Doctor alone in the control room. The Doctor worked silently, looking down at the consoles. Rose sat down on the pilot's chair and watched him as he worked. She wasn't sure why she remained there, but she had a feeling he wanted to talk to her.

"I think I'll go to bed." It took her an hour before she decided to leave. The Doctor just nodded, silently telling her he'd heard. "Goodnight."

"Rose." He stopped her right before she left the room. He seemed as calm and comfortable as always, but Rose had a feeling he didn't feel quite as comfortable talking that night as he was in any other occasion. "What happened?" He still didn't take his eyes off the consoles.

"Nothing." She tried to use her most regular voice, but it turned out to be a quiet, sad one.

He finally left the consoles, turning towards her. "I know you, Rose Tyler," He said, making a step towards her. "Something happened out there with Mickey." She couldn't deny that. He indeed knew her. "Before the rift opened, or you wouldn't have come here alone. And you haven't seen him at all after it ended, did you?" She shook her head. His face and voice softened. "What happened?"

She looked down. "He's dating someone."

"Isn't it better?" Was that a hint of jealousy she had just heard?

"I suppose. I don't know." She looked up at him, her eyes meeting his. "He was my boyfriend."

"Having a problem getting over it, eh?" The Doctor nodded briefly. "Happens to everyone."

"Does it happen to you too?"

He paused, staring at her. "What?"

She shook her head, looking down again. "Never mind."

The Doctor remained silent. She could feel him looking at her, waiting for her to speak. She wanted to, but wasn't sure what to say. She wanted to tell him about Mickey and the confusing feelings she had, but wasn't sure how to say it. Glancing up, she could tell the Doctor's gaze was soft and warm, both comforting and strengthening. She heard him move and before she knew it, his arms were wrapped around her and he was hugging her tightly. Sometimes she wondered if there really was nothing human in him or he was lying.

"Yes." He said then, his voice quieter than ever.

"What?"

"I do get it."

She wanted to pull back to give him her best surprised look, but couldn't force herself to move out of his arms. She felt safe when they stood like that, their arms wrapped around each other. He was the only thing that ever made her feel safe when they travelled through space and time. She felt one of his hands hesitantly touching her long blonde hair before he started stroking it.

"There was a woman," He said quietly, "That I loved." His voice sounded distant. "She travelled with me for a few years. She had a boyfriend, and she had a hard time trying to forget him after she found out he left her."

"What happened to her?" She was fascinated.

"She died."

"I'm sorry."

They stood there silently for a few more minutes. Rose felt the Doctor's hearts beating and almost smiled at the familiar feeling. She got used to the Doctor being there. No, she didn't just get used to it – it now seemed weird to her to not have him around. Standing there, with him, like that, she almost forgot about Mickey again. It was so easy to forget him when she was with the Doctor – in all the adventures they've been through there was barely any time for her to miss anyone else. But as she stood there with him, she realized it wasn't because of the adventures – but because of the Doctor.

"He didn't deserve it," She said suddenly. "I left him here and expected him to wait. I shouldn't have done that to him."

"Rose Tyler." The Doctor rarely used her full name, but whenever he did, her heart skipped a beat. He had a special way of saying her name, one she'd never heard before. "Everyone makes mistakes. That's a thing I love about you humans. You lot… you make mistakes more than any other race I've ever encountered. But you fix them. And you try to make it better. Sometimes you just don't notice what you do. Other times you're just too curious to listen to common sense."

"He didn't deserve me." She whispered.

"Rickey the Idiot?" She laughed briefly, unable to stop herself. The Doctor turned more serious. "No, he didn't deserve it," He admitted. "But you are something most beings don't deserve," He added, and she knew he meant it as a compliment.

"You think?"

"I know."

She pulled back, and looking into his eyes she finally realized why she forgot about Mickey. She did love him, once, when the only thing she knew was him and Earth. But the moment she chose to travel with the Doctor, her life changed drastically. And one of those changes, one of those things that changed in her, was the feelings she had for both the Timelord and the human.

She looked at him quietly for another moment before kissing his cheek. He froze, surprised, and looking at the awe in his eyes, she could tell he felt the same way as she did.

"Goodnight," She said quietly, turning to leave.

"Rose?" He stopped her again.

"Yes, Doctor?"

"I wouldn't wish to start again."


End file.
